Hurt The One You Love
by Shark Nut
Summary: A Kim and Bobby story set in season one. Did she make the right decision? (Complete)
1. Chapter 1

HURT THE ONES YOU LOVE  
  
As she watched him walk out the station door, slamming it behind him, she realised she had just made the biggest mistake of her life. She had just hurt the best friend she had ever had. Why could she never say what she meant?  
  
That was stupid, she thought to herself. He'll never forgive me for this. The really annoying thing was she had thought of the perfect thing to say to him, it had just come out all wrong. What she had meant to say was she didn't want to ruin their friendship by rushing into things and she didn't want to risk either of them getting hurt, they had both had enough hurt to last a lifetime.  
  
Bobby's friendship meant more to her than he knew and she had probably gone and ruined it for good. She couldn't help thinking that if she hadn't have gone to Jimmy for advice then things might not have gone the way they had. The thing about Jimmy was he always got her worked up so much she couldn't think straight sometimes. Damn him, she thought to herself.  
  
As she left the station house and started on her way home she decided she would call Bobby as soon as she got home and try to repair some of the damage she had done. That's if he would even talk to her. The look he had had on his face when she had said that last night was a mistake was that of a child who had just had his favourite toy taken off him and told he couldn't have it back. It had been horrible.  
  
She didn't know what she would do if he didn't forgive her. Who would she turn to in her times of need? No one understood her like Bobby did. It was like they knew what the other was thinking half the time; they always knew what to say to one another to make them feel better. That had been why she hadn't wanted to rush into things in the first place, she didn't want to lose that... ever.  
  
But unless she could undo some of what she had just done it might be lost already, and that frightened her more than she liked to admit. When Bobby had asked her to look him in the eyes and tell him that she didn't love him she had felt lost for a moment, not knowing what to say, so she had told him that she loved him as a friend, which she did, but she just couldn't bring herself to tell him the truth.  
  
The truth was she did love him as more than a friend but she didn't want to end up hurting him and having him hate her, causing her to hate herself even more than she already did. But in saying that she loved him only as a friend had ended up hurting him more than she had thought it would, she didn't think she could even forgive herself for that, so how could she expect Bobby to forgive her.  
  
She looked up from the sidewalk to see where she was and realised she was almost home. She was thankful that Jimmy had Joey tonight; she would hate him to see her like this. She never wanted her son to see her like this, feeling sorry for herself. She always tried to be strong for him but it was hard sometimes. Especially when he asked why mommy and daddy didn't love each other anymore. Thinking that just got her feeling even more depressed and angry with herself for her actions this evening.  
  
As she reached her apartment building she still didn't know what she would say to Bobby. She just wished things could go back to the way they were before Mattie had left, but after last night nothing would ever be the same again, not with her and Bobby or her and Jimmy. Everything had changed and not necessarily in a good way. Climbing up the stairs to her door she felt like everything was piling up on top of her.  
  
She turned the key in the lock of her front door, went in and dumped her bag down on the floor and went over to the phone in the living room. Seating herself in the oversized chair next to the table, she dialled Bobby's number and prepared herself for the task of trying to repair their friendship. Only one thought was in her mind.  
  
Why do you always end up hurting the ones you love? 


	2. Chapter 2

REALISATION  
  
As she looked at the sleeping form of her son she though back over the day's events. It had been a strange one. Everyone in her life seemed to have someone but her, and even Joey had a girlfriend. Jimmy had Brooke, and Bobby had what's-her-name. She couldn't remember it for the life of her; it was weird though that was all she knew.  
  
Things didn't feel right between her and Bobby, but that was to be expected. When she had tried to call him and repair the damage to their friendship she hadn't got an answer, now she knew why, he had gone to a bar and ended up with that woman. If only things had gone differently that night, she thought to herself.  
  
When she had seen Bobby that morning, she had realised just how much she loved him and wanted to be with him. But he was with her now.  
  
You missed your chance, she mused. She had no one to blame for that but herself and she knew it. She had seen the two of them kissing outside the station house, and it had made her jealous. But she wasn't about to let Bobby know that.  
  
She had a feeling he knew how she felt, how could he not know? He always seemed to discern what she was thinking and feeling. She had told him there was no need to try to make her jealous; trying to cover up how it made her feel, she doubted it had worked though.  
  
He had been funny with her for most of the day and she didn't like it at all, she hated it in fact. She wanted to turn back the clock and undo everything that had happened since Mattie had left, but she couldn't, so she would just have to live with it. She didn't want to, but she couldn't really see what else she could do about it.  
  
One thing she knew for certain is that this thing with this woman wouldn't last. Bobby said he was happy, but she knew him better than he thought she did. He was just saying that to try and make her jealous. It was working too.  
  
And Jimmy, talk about your dark horse. Until today she hadn't even known he had been seeing anybody. One thing she knew though was she didn't really like this woman, she didn't know why yet but there was something about her. Maybe it was the fact Jimmy wanted Joey to meet her that she didn't like, she wasn't sure.  
  
It would confuse her son to see his dad with another woman; he still didn't understand why his parents weren't together. Still, one day he would have to get used to seeing his parents with other people, she couldn't expect them both to put their love lives on hold until their son had grown up, maybe she could do that but she shouldn't expect Jimmy to make that sacrifice.  
  
Maybe that's why she had done what she had to Bobby. Trying to protect her son from the heartache she was certain would occur. Saying that though she knew just how much Bobby loved her and she knew he would never do anything to hurt her. It was herself she was afraid of, she knew what she was like; she always ended up causing pain to those closest to her.  
  
But she felt that maybe this would be different, she didn't know how she knew this... she just had a gut instinct. When two people truly loved each other they could overcome the greatest of obstacles. That's why her and Jimmy had split up, although they had loved each other it had been a different kind of love, not the kind that marriages that lasted were built upon.  
  
What could she do though? Until Bobby stopped fooling around with this re- bound woman she couldn't do a thing. She just hoped that this woman didn't hurt Bobby. If that did happen she would feel ultimately responsible, as she had hurt him in the first place, setting off this whole chain of events.  
  
Perhaps there was something she could do. She could talk to Bobby, explain why she had said what she had, and what she truly felt in her heart. He would understand why she had done it, wouldn't he? She hoped he would. He had to; another minute like this would send her crazy.  
  
Why do you have to almost lose things to realise how much you need them? With that thought in her head she decided she would talk to him and tell him exactly how she felt about him. She just hoped it wasn't too late. 


	3. Chapter 3

CONTEMPLATION  
  
Driving down the streets on his way home, he considered how things had become so complicated between Kim and himself. Everything was different now. He had lost his brother and now he was in danger of losing the one person he loved more than anything in the world.  
  
Pulling up outside his apartment building he turned the engine off and just sat there thinking about what he would do if he ever did lose what he had with Kim. He couldn't bear the thought of it.  
  
Even though she had told him the other night had been a mistake he had known she didn't mean it, she was just scared of what would happen. He could tell. He knew how much Jimmy had hurt her in the past, knew what he had put her through, it was almost as if she was scared to leave herself open to the risk of heartache again.  
  
But he would never hurt her. He loved her too much to do that to her. If he did ever hurt her he would never forgive himself. That was what he couldn't understand; she knew how he felt about her yet she still wouldn't trust him with her heart. All he could do was give her time and space.  
  
Even though he was seeing Treva it was just a casual fling and they both knew that, they were both on the re-bound so to speak. The other thing he didn't get was why Kim had lied to him about how she felt about him. He had asked her to look him in the eyes and tell him she didn't love him. She had said she loved him as a friend but what he had seen in her eyes had told him all he needed to know.  
  
He knew her too well, that was the thing; any other person would have thought she was telling the truth, but not him. He knew her better than she knew herself sometimes; he doubted she even knew her eyes had betrayed her. He knew sooner or later she would realise what he already knew, he just hoped it was sooner rather than later.  
  
As much as he wanted to be with her he also prayed things could go back to the way they had been, but his brother Mattie had made sure things could never be the same again. The atmosphere between Kim and himself had felt tense lately, that was partly his fault though. He had been teasing her more than usual but she didn't seem to be taking it the way she used to. She seemed more inclined to take offence from his humour than just laugh it off like she would have done just a week earlier.  
  
He could tell she was jealous of Treva, she had said she wasn't but he could tell she was, she was just too easy for him to read. She always had been. The same was true for him as well, she always seemed to know how he was feeling and she always said just what he needed to hear; except for the other night that was.  
  
That's why he felt sure she would eventually admit to her own feelings. He had always known they were meant for each other.  
  
How corny does that sound? he thought to himself. It was true though, he had loved her for as long as he could remember, and although they had never admitted it to each other he knew she loved him too.  
  
She definitely knew how he felt, he had told her Valentine's morning. That was part of the problem though he had scared her by telling her how strong his feelings for her were. He just hadn't been able to stop himself; he had wanted to go and shout it from the rooftops and let everyone know how he felt about her.  
  
Probably would have got arrested for that though, he mused, as he chuckled to himself at the image he got in his head.  
  
Thinking about it, asking her to come skiing with him and his family had probably been too much as well.  
  
What's done is done though, can't turn back time, he thought. Maybe if he tried to talk to her and reassure her that he would never hurt her on purpose, that might help her admit to her feeling for him. Couldn't hurt to try, could it? he asked himself.  
  
Just then a loud bang on his car window shook him out of his daze.  
  
"You plannin' to spend all night in there, sir? This parking is for residents only," the police officer outside his window informed him.  
  
"It's okay I live in this building," he told the man.  
  
"Just looked like you were settling in for the night that's all."  
  
"Got a lot on my mind. Lost track of time thinking it through." With that he exited his car and went up to his apartment to continue his thinking in peace. 


End file.
